So, I finally did it! I gathered up my courage to take my training to the next level…and bought a scale.
For the past two years that I have been competing in Fitness America and NPC bikini/fitness contests, one of the things that I refused to do was weigh myself on a regular basis. Originally, I thought that something like a scale would’ve been essential to my training, but judging by the fit of my clothes, looking in the mirror, and being critiqued by pictures turned out to be good enough. Every now and then, after I felt that I was making good progress with my dieting and training, I would weigh myself just for benchmarking purposes. That meant once before starting my diet for contest prep, a few weeks into it, and a few days before showtime. Never the day before or the day of, I would be nervous enough, I did not need the numbers on the scale making it worse!
There is something about the scale that in my mind just had a negative vibe associated with it. I think that like many who are health conscious, something like your weight is something that you are concerned or at least think about. If the scales tell you numbers you do not want to see, you might feel bad and frustrated, and that maybe all the hard work you did to get in shape was for nothing! That was the reason I did not want one. A scale, which supposedly does not lie, brings you face to face with these numbers. But, I could make it lie! When I weighed myself on the one at the gym, it told myself I was heavier because I had so many clothes on! Or maybe I drank a lot of water before working out! Or maybe the scale was just old and inaccurate! So, I figured it would be better to stop playing these mind games and just stopped weighing myself altogether. The practice of judging my photos and a mirror did work for a little while, and was like I said – good enough. Good enough to place me in top ten at a national level show.
Now I want more than good enough.
In my last post, I stated that i needed to learn from the past and search for ways to make continuous improvements in my goal to bring my best to the stage. The most recent change, I have decided, is to ditch my perception of madness and trade it in for method; I have purchased my very own scale that tells me not only my weight, but my body fat and body water percentages. Recording it once a week, i will use this information in conjunction with my diet and training log so that I will know how to tweak things in order to reach my goals for the next competition. There will be no kidding with myself, it will be purely scientific. If the scale tells me numbers that are not in line with my program, then i will simply adjust the next week’s program. I won’t let the scale yell at me “you’re falling behind!” or “all that training for nothing!” because that is all in my head. Changing my views of scale and making it purely objective, i am able to use it as a tool. This will be just another way to fine tune my program and remove as much negativity from my training and dieting as possible!
As much as I always hated weighing myself before, I am happy about this purchase. In fact, I am sharing with all of you the readings! No more ignoring the numbers!
One of the things that I hate to admit the most is that I have failed. The word failure, F!, has such a negative feeling associated with it, that it is no longer part of my life!
I recently decided this when making the decision to push back the date of my next NPC bikini competition from March to April, then to May, then finally to June! At first, I felt very badly about this. The reason was because my physique just was not going to be where it needed, and more importantly, where I wanted it to be in order to reach my desired level of success. After some time of training and dieting, I was disappointed and upset with myself that I had to make this decision. I worked hard to get where I was, and to push back the date because I wouldn’t be ready made me feel like I was failing!
I hate failing! I hate the feeling so much that I even tricked myself into thinking that I did not want to compete. How can I fail at something I don’t want, right? I stopped going to the gym, I stopped eating my healthy foods, I stopped thinking about the shows, and I even ignored writing a blog! I think I even ate some ice cream that I didn’t want just in spite of it all! That lasted a week… 🙂
Then I got sick, and that lasted a week…
So now, here I am, two weeks later, with a little less muscle, a little more flab, feeling way more “not ready” than before, and not to mention, way behind on my running schedule for the NYC half marathon! I am sure I am being overly dramatic because in the big scheme of things it really doesn’t matter, but still, all of this because I was mad about feeling like a failure! So, I have decided, failure is no longer part of my life. If there is something that I want to succeed at but can’t or haven’t, I have the power to change it. I have the power to change it so that I do succeed, and therefore I never fail but am constantly learning and living.
That will be my new mindset as I go into the next 14 weeks of dieting and training. But, I have to figure out why I wasn’t ready or where I needed to be. What do I need to change?
– Well, I already posted about the areas that I needed to focus on so I know what training I need to do. See Living Art – A Work in Progress
– I attended a nutrition seminar by one of the best in the industry so I know my nutrition is on point. (Thanks Pete Ciccone – 619muscle!)
– Everyone at the gym looks at me like I am crazy so I know I am training with passion…
I guess I will just have to keep on searching (and meantime be inspired by this poster of Bruce Lee)!